no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
