Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
