I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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