i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
