I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
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I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
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I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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