Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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