Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
