dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
...so i touched it.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
