my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
