And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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