My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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