Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
