remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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