Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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