I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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