I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
