And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
