this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
