One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
