did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
