I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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