I saw his package. It spoke to me.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
