I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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