i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
