I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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