I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
one two three fourrrrnication!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
