I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
