We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
