DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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