My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
