I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
