Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
