There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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