Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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