Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
