It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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