Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
there's paper in my vomit.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
