Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
