I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
