Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I did not marry a roomba.
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