Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
