i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
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She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
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There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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