im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
