I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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