i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
