So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
