i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize