Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
