Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You can't just leave with hair like that
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
