I will die if light touches me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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