goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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