I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize