I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
