Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
