what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
