I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
