drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
