I just cut my nipple shaving
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
