I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
