I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
