he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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