you have to choose: penises or morals?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
