google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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