I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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