I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house