Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
