and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here