So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?