I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I need to calm my uterus...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.