can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize