9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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